Here Comes the Sun

A week ago today, I graduated. FROM COLLEGE.

Don't I look smart?

It's so weird. It's such a different feeling than graduating from high school. MUCH more anti-climactic. College is different because you're never really sure when it's going to end (unless you're one of those super planner students), so when you finally know it's the semester you're going to graduate, you're just like... cool! I did it! And then you go to a mass graduation where you don't know anyone because your school is ginormous, and then you take a few pictures with your family if they're able to make the trip out, and then you're done. (Although, I must say, I was the luckiest girl in the UNIVERSE and got to graduate alongside my soul mate Sadie. Seriously, I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for the small fact that we graduated on the same day with the same degree and therefore got to sit by someone we knew and walk on stage right next to each other have it all feel so so so much more real and special. Not to mention the fact that Sadie WAS my BYU experience. Enough said. It was perfect.)

Aww look we're best friends!

And now... I am on the official hunt for a job. Let's just say I've been glued to my computer all week long. I wish that was an exaggeration. I seriously wake up, get online, and search. All day. And think. And ponder. And search. And search. And search. And tweak my resume. And search.

ahhhhhhh!

It's kind of horrible, but kind of fun, but kind of exhausting, but kind of like a treasure hunt. I have put together a range of photos to help describe the range of emotions I go through on a daily basis:

OHMYGOSHTHISISTHEMOSTSTRESSFULTHINGOFMYLIFEIMNEVERGOINGTOMAKEENOUGHMONEYTOLIIIIVVVEEEE

Hey! This is fun! I get to pick a job! Whatever I want! It's like a buffet! The world is at my fingertips! I love life!!

WHY YOU ALL PAY SO CLOSE TO MINIMUM WAGE???????????

And then we pass the point of no return.

Joking aside, it's been hard, but fun (kind of), and hopefully the hunt will end soon. :)

I want to get back to the title of this post and why I wanted to write this in the first place. I've said (and hoped) for a while (since the last two years of college when it got dang stressful) that I would be a lot happier once I graduated and didn't have to do homework all the time and write research papers and live in the library and decode research articles and memorize millions of terms and lose sleep and with it, some of the magic in life.

I'm happy to say that things are looking up.

I know life is still going to be hard. I know I'm still going to have random sad days. I know challenges will always, always be there (oh these last four years, you taught me so much), but I am really happy to say that something feels different now. I do feel lighter. I'm so much quicker to giggle now. So much quicker to joke, and play. So much quicker to take the time to serve. So much quicker to actually think about having hobbies (the small talk question I hated the most - what do you like to do for fun? I always felt like such an idiot! "Uh... nap... wait no, sit on the couch.. I mean.. crap.. facebook?"). I just wasn't interested in/couldn't see the point in doing a lot of hobby-like things for fun. Because they weren't fun. They were more work and less time and just uninteresting. But they're starting to become fun again. I'm excited again about decorating my room, and doing crafts, and putting special thought into homemade projects or gifts. I'm excited about having the time and means to cook and make a nice meal for myself (and my roommates!) every now and then. I'm seriously just so excited to do work at work, and then do my thing at home, whatever that thing may be. Last night my aunt Amy and I watched the end of North and South while eating Panda Express and I was like, "... THIS IS SO AMAZING AND RELAXING WHAT IS THIS. CAN I DO THIS KIND OF THING NOW? MOVIES? WHAT ARE MOVIES?" hahaha. It was nice.

But the thing I love the most is that I just feel lighter overall. I love getting back to my Jennie self. I love feeling a little more goofy, care free, hyper, fun, loving, and hopeful again. I'm becoming a dreamer again, in a good way. It feels good. It kind of feels like the best part of life is just beginning. The sun is rising, and I'm ready to soak in its waaarrrmm delicious rays. :)

Man. I'm done with college. How??? It just so doesn't feel like it. So different from high school. Can't get over what a different feeling this is.

Anyway. Life is good. It's a little creepily unknown right now, but I know things will work out. And I'm so, so, so thankful for my four years at BYU. It's hard, because I know I have regrets. I'm definitely an overachiever at heart and like to be the best at everything, so it's hard for me to say that I graduated college with so little on my resume and with no solid plans for my future. By my junior year, my goal in college was definitely just to make it through. Seriously, KUDOS to those who had time for all the good extra stuff (internships, research, mentored learning, etc.). It just didn't happen for me. It's also hard because my major (family studies) doesn't exactly lead to any specific jobs. At one point this week I looked in the mirror and said, "Why didn't you just major in accounting???" Hahaha. But... I KNOW family studies was the right major for me. I'm a huge follower of feelings, and I just felt so strongly guided toward that major. I hadn't planned on that major AT ALL. Photography was it for me. But photography felt soooo, sooo wrong once I started. It's so funny to me.

Anyway, my major changed my life. Honestly. It changed everything. It has affected every single part of me. I think so differently about so many things now and I just loved it so, so much. It is just a part of me now. And now it's my job to figure out what the dang heck to do with it. ;) Haha. But I know it was right for me. I have confidence in that. And I'm so thankful for everything I learned. In some ways it was a sacrifice to study what I studied, but the gains in other ways... completely, completely outweigh any monetary sacrifice. Because I know that no matter what I end up doing, I will use what I learned every hour of every day for the rest of my life, in every interaction with every person I come in contact with. And that's a good feeling.

Alright folks. It's been real. Here's some creepy smiling bacon to let you know that everything's going to be okay.

Everything's going to be okay. Wanna hang out sometime?

And here's another happy picture of me graduating so you can get the creepy smiling bacon picture out of your mind.

:) Happy Friday! And Happy Life!

One. Week.

Until I graduate from college.

COLLEGE.

COOOOOOOO.LLLLEEEGGGGEEEEEE.

(hahaha. separating that word was really awkward. roll with it.)

I was talking last night with Sadie and my Amazing Aunt Amy about job searching and how potential employers can search for you on the internet and we talked about how they could come across our blogs. Then Amy kindly reminded me that my most recent post is a picture of a handsy octopus. Woops. :) Thus this morning's thought dump. Hehe. (That octopus is still my favorite thing in the world.)

Okay. So maybe I won't dump too much right now. But I have been formulating thoughts in my mind over the past few weeks about... LIFE. Graduation. BYU. How much I've changed. What remains the same. The positives and negatives of my college experience. How much I learned and how much I have yet to learn. Oh my goodness. So. Many. Thoughts. But life is cool, and I love how much it teaches me. It is so. dang. humbling. I've heard people say that all my life, but man, you don't know until you've experienced it... and then you know. Life teaches you so much.

One of the best things lately is just how much I'm learning about myself, and how much I've been able to reconnect with myself. It's kind of exhilarating when you don't have anything to define what or who you are anymore (aka I'm no longer going to be a STUDENT WHICH IS ALL I'VE EVER BEEN), and so you're kind of forced to discover exactly what or who you really are just by.... living. Oh man. That is another post for another day. But I promise it's one of the most insightful things I've realized lately. And it's actually been really nice. I'll try to make it make sense soon.

Well.. that is my short little itsy bitsy life update that also just happens to conveniently push handsy octopus girl a little out of site... hehe.

Good things to come. Love your faces. ♥