childhood.

I'm in the process of writing a 20-page reflection for my parenting class, and I spend a lot of time talking about my childhood.

I just wrote about the magical days of colorado... when I played outside all the time... and I could almost feel the cool breeze on my face as I wrote about playing outside until it started to get dark.

I seriously could picture it so perfectly.

I almost started crying.

and then I wrote about how christmas was so incredibly magical when I was little. it was just SO MAGICAL.

growing up is lame.

my level of emotionality and nostalgia is at an all-time high right now.

why can't we feel like children anymore? when everything was so magical?

I hope that in heaven we feel like children again.

Shaaanksgiviiiiing!

a quick recap of my thanksgiving!

 (okay, so this is the day before) kamala and I went to see the help and successfully devoured a mega tub of buttery popcorn. mmm.

 on our way back to her apartment we drove by the rexburg temple! so pretty!!

thanksgiving morning! I woke up bright and early to leave my kamkam in idaho and head back to utah.

 I love her so much it pains me. physically.

 it's kind of unnerving when you see that you have 110 miles until your next turn (it was actually 136 at first! bah!)

but I made it back in time for dinner with my mom's side of the family! they always have this sweet setup. :)

a ton of my cousins are grown up with children. I always feel shy around their kids because I don't see them very often and they never know who I am and I admit I have a hard time remembering their names... but I saw them sitting here looking at a book and I braved up (kids scare me... jk) and asked if could read it to them and then they all gathered around me and it was LOVE!!!!! or maybe they just loved me for my phone..

 the little boy is sawyer. I have always wanted to kidnap him. don't tell his parents.

 a couple of my foxy cousins.. hannah & darian!

then I rushed over to eat dinner with the relatives on my dad's side!

 my cousin will and aunt amy!

 another cousin - nati-poo! noodleface! okay.. natalie. :)

 when I got home.. I found THIS on my bed from sadie who was out of town!

I love her. :) and how sweet is the bag?

 sadie also wins the award for best text I received on thanksgiving day:

can't wait. ;)

hope your thanksgiving kicked turkey BUTT!!!

never give up... never surrender!!!

when I first came to BYU, I planned on being a photography major.

(for various reasons, I changed my mind, and am now a family life major and love it!)

the photography major is not open to everyone - you have to be accepted through an application process.

first you take some pre-requisite visual art classes (that aren't photography classes), and then you can apply.

the application requires 8 photos that you feel represent your best work.

even though I never applied, I was always 99% positive that I would be accepted if I had. I knew I had a good eye and a natural talent for photography.

so just now.. I was thumbing through old photos (like I always do when I'm putting off my homework :)), and came across the 8 I was going to submit:

and you know what's funny? I'm 99% positive now that I would not have been accepted.

I don't mean this to be a depressing post... but more of a motivating and inspiring one.

even though I knew I had a natural talent, it wasn't fully developed yet (and still isn't.. and debatable never will be).

I would have been CRUSHED had I applied and not been accepted.

yet now, having taken a different route, I have grown and improved sooo much.

what if I had given up if I wasn't accepted? what if I had let it get to me?

it's so important to remember that if you have a knack for something... don't give up! keep pursuing it if you love doing it!

I read this post on a photography blog once that said the reason many photographers are so hard on themselves is because they have an amazing eye and know what looks good and they know their art doesn't look as good as that vision in their head yet.

BUT DON'T GIVE UP!!!

keep striving to reach that vision in your head. it will take practice and time.. but you have it in you! it's part of you! it's natural to you.

some days I look at my photography and just get so bummed about the fact that I'm not as good as my favorite photographers yet and I wonder if I'll ever get to their level.

but then I look back at pictures like the ones above and become so grateful for how far I've come and that I never gave up. it's taken me years and that's probably what it will take for you too... but take baby steps and know that it will be so worth it if it's what you love!

NOW GO BE AWESOME!!!

I have issues, and it's okay

but really.

I'm the kind of person that STREEESSSSSSSSEEESSSSS over decision-making.

you guys. YOU GUYS.

I just spent hours deciding between 2 colors of a camera bag. HOURS.

(side note: I'm returning the one I got because it's just too bulky and boxy.. plus the logo was upside down...

furreal?
 anyway... the one I originally wanted is back in stock... and was $20 cheaper today because of black friday! woohoo!)

so I found myself right back where I started with the dilemma.

and it kind of took over my life tonight:

 yellow is so fun and cute!

but brown is your friend.. you have so many brown purses!

...which is exactly why I should get yellow!

but yellow might be too loud? too not me? am I just trying to follow a trend?

brown can be boring. should I live more on the wild side? (welcome to my pathetic brain people.)

would more of my outfits go better with the brown or with the yellow?

will I take happier pictures if I have the yellow bag? will I be more myself if I have the brown bag?

will I ever, ever, EVER MAKE A DECISION?!

- - -

let's have a moment of silence for my personal issues.

*moment of silence*

that was nice.

 

- - -

I asked the opinion of a couple of my roommates... who both voted yellow.

my roommate allison was very helpful. she said "Jennie. you have three minutes to decide. when that time is up I'm stealing your computer."

this was a big deal because I only had 15 minutes left before the black friday deal expired!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!

so I said... OKAY! LIVIN' ON THE WILD SIDE. TAKIN' A CHANCE. YELLOW!!!

when I placed the order and was checking out... I was suddenly filled with that good old friend, mr. anxiety.

oh friends. I've been noticing a trend lately in my decision-making. I usually finally make a decision, and then when I start feeling sick to my stomach anxious about it, I quickly change my mind!

well that was the case with this.

QUICK! BEFORE MIDNIGHT! 7 MINUTES LEFT!

SIONARA YELLOW BAG! helloooooooooooooo brown!

I felt much better. at peace. my good friend brown was there for me all along.

and you know what's funny? I ended up picking the exact bag I wanted 100% a few months ago. but then it went out of stock and toyed with my emotions. *shakes fist*

well now it is mine. :)

and now we just hope and pray they let me return the bag I have now...

oh gosh. breathe jennie.

oh. and guess what?

15 MINUTES AGO I TURNED 21!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

I noticed as I was writing this and had a slight panic attack.

okay, so I'm the kind of person that slightly doesn't accept the fact that I'm older until it's my actual time of birth which was like somewhere after 2 PM I think... but even if I'm not technically 21 yet it IS still my birthday. so. yes.

I'm 21. and weird. and have major issues.

thank you for loving me through it.

PEACE AND BLESSINGS.

thanksgiving break thus far

on monday I nannied, took a test, and then headed off to idaho!!

it was a 4 hour drive. longest I've driven by myself. ;)

I loooove driving by myself and blaring music. I seriously have some of my most thoughtful and reflective moments while I'm driving and singing (I cannot NOT sing along to music in the car).

these 2 amazing CDs kept me company:

mm mm mmmm. that's good music right there.<3

so I came to idaho because of amanda's wedding!!! amanda is my former roommate and one of my closest friends... she's amazing and I was lucky enough to be her photographer. :)

she got married yesterday in the idaho falls temple.. it was awesome! the reception was so nice too! her family is just amazing. I feel like I'm a part of it. I hate saying bye to them. I feel so comfortable with them... she has 3 brothers and no sisters like me. makes me miss my brothers.

 

 me and amanda at the reception. :) isn't she just glowing?!

speaking of my brothers.... I can tell you the news now!!!

NEAL AND CHRISTINA ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!! :D

in case you didn't know... that's my 2nd oldest brother and his girlfriend. ;) they're getting married december 30th!! can't wait. :) I'm super happy for them!

alsooo...

LEE AND CARRIE ARE HAVING  A BOY!!!!! :D

lee is my oldest brother and he and carrie got married in may! she already has two adorable boys and this will be their first child together. I'm so excited!!!! it's crazy - the first child of any of our siblings!

well.. back to idaho news.

right after the reception I drove the 1/2 hour to BYU-idaho to visit my kam-kam!!

kamala and I take any opportunity we can to see each other. we're best friends from way back when (like.. 8th grade... maybe not that far back.. but it feels like it!). we slept in this morning til around noon... went to campus so she could drop off a paper... came back home and slept for 3 more hours... saw the help.. and are now watching willy wonka and surfing the net. that is true friendship right there. sleep and lazy entertainment. ;)

it reminds me of this picture that sadie and I said coined as our logo:

truer words were never spoken.... or typed.

I leave in the morning to go back to utah! my mom's side of the family is having thanksgiving dinner at 1, and my dad's side is having it at 4. it's nice having practically all of my relatives in utah so I feel close to family even though my immediately family is in alabama.

 speaking of my immediate family.. my dad retired from the air force yesterday!!! I can't believe it!! I will never again say "my dad's in the air force." I will say "my dad WAS in the air force".... weird!

they e-mailed me these pictures:

christina, neal, my dad, my mom, and danny (my younger brother.. he turns 18 next month!)

I'm so proud of him. my dad is amazing. I love him more than I could ever say. he's such a perfect example of a hard worker, and he's made me realize how much I want to marry a hard worker.

he's applying for jobs everywhere.. so we have no idea where my mom and dad will move next! or who my dad will work for! weeird! it's especially weird that they will move just the TWO of them!! it's always been with all four kids.. but when our time in alabama is up.. we all will have left the house! I went to BYU, lee got married, neal's getting married, and danny's going to utah state university next year! cuhhrazay!

also, my dad is flying out to utah on friday for a week to visit his parents!! he hardly ever gets to see them so he's making it a priority. I'm so excited because he'll be here for my birthday which is on saturday!! yes world.. I will be 21!! you know what THAT means...


BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


... jk. haha. stick a "root" in front of that. ;) mmmmm....

anyway. that's about it. yay life! hope you're having a good one!