Friday, August 23, 2013

Here Comes the Sun

A week ago today, I graduated. FROM COLLEGE.

Don't I look smart?
It's so weird. It's such a different feeling than graduating from high school. MUCH more anti-climactic. College is different because you're never really sure when it's going to end (unless you're one of those super planner students), so when you finally know it's the semester you're going to graduate, you're just like... cool! I did it! And then you go to a mass graduation where you don't know anyone because your school is ginormous, and then you take a few pictures with your family if they're able to make the trip out, and then you're done. (Although, I must say, I was the luckiest girl in the UNIVERSE and got to graduate alongside my soul mate Sadie. Seriously, I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for the small fact that we graduated on the same day with the same degree and therefore got to sit by someone we knew and walk on stage right next to each other have it all feel so so so much more real and special. Not to mention the fact that Sadie WAS my BYU experience. Enough said. It was perfect.)

Aww look we're best friends!

And now... I am on the official hunt for a job. Let's just say I've been glued to my computer all week long. I wish that was an exaggeration. I seriously wake up, get online, and search. All day. And think. And ponder. And search. And search. And search. And tweak my resume. And search.


It's kind of horrible, but kind of fun, but kind of exhausting, but kind of like a treasure hunt. I have put together a range of photos to help describe the range of emotions I go through on a daily basis:


Hey! This is fun! I get to pick a job! Whatever I want! It's like a buffet! The world is at my fingertips! I love life!!


And then we pass the point of no return.
Joking aside, it's been hard, but fun (kind of), and hopefully the hunt will end soon. :)

I want to get back to the title of this post and why I wanted to write this in the first place. I've said (and hoped) for a while (since the last two years of college when it got dang stressful) that I would be a lot happier once I graduated and didn't have to do homework all the time and write research papers and live in the library and decode research articles and memorize millions of terms and lose sleep and with it, some of the magic in life.

I'm happy to say that things are looking up.

I know life is still going to be hard. I know I'm still going to have random sad days. I know challenges will always, always be there (oh these last four years, you taught me so much), but I am really happy to say that something feels different now. I do feel lighter. I'm so much quicker to giggle now. So much quicker to joke, and play. So much quicker to take the time to serve. So much quicker to actually think about having hobbies (the small talk question I hated the most - what do you like to do for fun? I always felt like such an idiot! "Uh... nap... wait no, sit on the couch.. I mean.. crap.. facebook?"). I just wasn't interested in/couldn't see the point in doing a lot of hobby-like things for fun. Because they weren't fun. They were more work and less time and just uninteresting. But they're starting to become fun again. I'm excited again about decorating my room, and doing crafts, and putting special thought into homemade projects or gifts. I'm excited about having the time and means to cook and make a nice meal for myself (and my roommates!) every now and then. I'm seriously just so excited to do work at work, and then do my thing at home, whatever that thing may be. Last night my aunt Amy and I watched the end of North and South while eating Panda Express and I was like, "... THIS IS SO AMAZING AND RELAXING WHAT IS THIS. CAN I DO THIS KIND OF THING NOW? MOVIES? WHAT ARE MOVIES?" hahaha. It was nice.

But the thing I love the most is that I just feel lighter overall. I love getting back to my Jennie self. I love feeling a little more goofy, care free, hyper, fun, loving, and hopeful again. I'm becoming a dreamer again, in a good way. It feels good. It kind of feels like the best part of life is just beginning. The sun is rising, and I'm ready to soak in its waaarrrmm delicious rays. :)

Man. I'm done with college. How??? It just so doesn't feel like it. So different from high school. Can't get over what a different feeling this is.

Anyway. Life is good. It's a little creepily unknown right now, but I know things will work out. And I'm so, so, so thankful for my four years at BYU. It's hard, because I know I have regrets. I'm definitely an overachiever at heart and like to be the best at everything, so it's hard for me to say that I graduated college with so little on my resume and with no solid plans for my future. By my junior year, my goal in college was definitely just to make it through. Seriously, KUDOS to those who had time for all the good extra stuff (internships, research, mentored learning, etc.). It just didn't happen for me. It's also hard because my major (family studies) doesn't exactly lead to any specific jobs. At one point this week I looked in the mirror and said, "Why didn't you just major in accounting???" Hahaha. But... I KNOW family studies was the right major for me. I'm a huge follower of feelings, and I just felt so strongly guided toward that major. I hadn't planned on that major AT ALL. Photography was it for me. But photography felt soooo, sooo wrong once I started. It's so funny to me.

Anyway, my major changed my life. Honestly. It changed everything. It has affected every single part of me. I think so differently about so many things now and I just loved it so, so much. It is just a part of me now. And now it's my job to figure out what the dang heck to do with it. ;) Haha. But I know it was right for me. I have confidence in that. And I'm so thankful for everything I learned. In some ways it was a sacrifice to study what I studied, but the gains in other ways... completely, completely outweigh any monetary sacrifice. Because I know that no matter what I end up doing, I will use what I learned every hour of every day for the rest of my life, in every interaction with every person I come in contact with. And that's a good feeling.

Alright folks. It's been real. Here's some creepy smiling bacon to let you know that everything's going to be okay.

Everything's going to be okay. Wanna hang out sometime?
And here's another happy picture of me graduating so you can get the creepy smiling bacon picture out of your mind.

:) Happy Friday! And Happy Life!


Catalina said...

YAY! Congrats Jennie.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, why didn't you just major in accounting? ;)

Jennie Smithson said...

Classy, anonymous user. Classy.

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