About that........

The goal: Wake up early. Work on homework until midnight.

What happened: Slept in. Went to the women's soccer game. Touched homework for about an hour. Went to the last home football game.

I don't regret it at all. This entire semester I've had the mindset of, "Will I remember staying home and studying and doing super well on that test, or will I remember going down the Provo river on an air mattress that popped and hitchhiking our way to our car??" (True story. It was awesome.) So, like I said, I don't regret it. But Monday & Tuesday are going to be HEEEEEEEECK. Hahaha. :( 3-4 page outline for my research paper (with basically no clue of what I'm going to write, btw), 5-6 page paper for my health class, and a test on Monday that, well, I will start studying for on Monday. Ohhh boy... have I mentioned I can't WAIT to be done with school? I just really.. really can't wait. I can't wait to have time to be happy and dream again. I can't wait to have time to do crafts and care about my photography 534023479234 Xs more than I do right now. I can't wait to have hours at a time to focus on things I love again - basically crafting/decorating and photography. I miss you so. Really.. I miss caring about you. I'm just so uninspired when I'm annoyed with school work. I can't wait to be dooooonnnnnnnneeeeeeee. And rediscover the things I once loved so much more than I do now. It's just so frustrating not feeling inspired. Photography especially was so exciting in the beginning. And now I'm just like "I don't have time for fun personal photos." I was talking to someone tonight who I had just met, and I complimented her amazing makeup and she said she only had it on because her friend is a photographer and uses her as a model from time to time just for fun. And she talked about how cool that was to have a photographer as a friend. And one of my roommates was there too, and I quietly joked to her, "I'm such a terrible friend," because I nevverrrrrrr randomly want to take fun cute pictures of my roomies. And that's all I used to want to do with my friends. But I'm just so. un. in. spired. lately. And that extra "fun" personal work would feel like a chore and just more stuff I have to do. I hate it. I want the love back. Give it back to me. :(

I have full faith it will come back though. Because it was SO STRONG and natural. I really truly think that once I'm done always concentrating on school... that I can fully dedicate myself to my old artsy loves again. I miss them a lot. I miss them being the thing I was good at, and that I could make others happy through. I just want to sit in the middle of the living room, crafting up a ridiculously cute birthday present for someone that takes way too long to make while watching HGTV. Sigh. I just hope it comes back.

Okay. Time for bed. Like I said.. Monday will destroy me. I might as well be well-rested, haha. Goodnight my loves.