accutane.

yes world, I started accutane. 3 days ago. friday. the 22nd. sometime between 6 and 6:30 pm.

I know that accutane doesn't work for everyone. and may have ruined your life. or the life of your friend. but I also know that proactiv works for a lot of people. and didn't work for me. and ruined my life. okay slight exaggeration. but it was mean to me. for a long time.

I also know that this is the 3rd time I've been on prescribed acne medication, and I'm really hoping it works. if I don't try it, I'll always wonder "what if?" and that will drive me crazy. I'd rather try it than always wonder.

I know that there's a 60% chance of permanent clearing for 5 years and a 40% chance of acne coming back.

I know 4-6 months of heck are coming my way. heck = dryest skin of my life, peeling, applying lotion all day, red face, etc. but I'll get the worst of it overwith in the summer before fall semester.

I know it might not work. I know I will hate it during the process. but I also know that I'm going to do it because I'm not giving up on trying to get clear skin.

why this post? because this morning when I woke up, my face felt and looked very much like it does after a light sunburn. a little tight. a little dry. and a little red.

and only after 6 pills. that's some intense stuff.

LET THE TREATMENT BEGIN!

do me a favor?

follow my photography blog?

the only reason I care is because it helps get the word out to other people about my blog.

for example, if someone were to look at the list of blogs you follow, and then they see a link to my photography blog, and then they go to it..... :)

if you do this, thanks. I honestly appreciate it a ton!

I will now leave you with this unnecessary and creepy picture.

<3

thoughts on a sunday night.

sorry for the lame title. :)

church was so great today. gosh I love church. my ward is incredible. I feel the spirit so strongly every sunday, even when I'm tired and think maybe this sunday will be the exception. nope. always so spiritually uplifting. it's awesome. I always feel so motivated to go home and just be AMAZING!

and then I go home.

and I get on facebook.

and then I'm bored.

honestly, how lame is that?

why's it so hard to apply what we learn? when I'm in church, I picture myself spending my sundays at nursing homes and baking cookies for people and writing letters and visiting my grandpa. but I get home and say "I'm tired" or "I'm bored" or "I just don't feel like it." oh how lame that is.

I realized something a few weeks ago. I want to be someone the Lord can depend upon. I want Him to be able to count on me. but when I don't do my visiting teaching, when I ignore promptings to share the gospel, when I get on facebook instead of read my scriptures, when I put off my homework even though I prayed for His help to do my homework, He's not gunna be able to count on me. because I'm being so undependable (is that a word?). anyway, so what I've realized for me... is that wanting to be a dependable person for the Lord is my number one motivation right now for getting anything done. but really, the super always mega number 1 will always be to make Him happy because I love Him so much. but a good second place is because I want Him to be able to trust me and work through me. How can He use me to help someone else if I'm ignoring Him in the tiniest daily matters?

well.. on that note.. I'm gunna go read my scriptures for 15 minutes. this is my daily goal, and I haven't missed a day since I started a few months ago. but... most of those times were way late at night when I was super tired and not getting anything from my reading. awesome? I think NOT. here's to reading when I'm awake and can actually receive revelation! sheesh jennie. come on. you're like, 20. an adult. get with it! :)

so, that is all. and whoever you are - you rock. and you're going to be okay. stay strong. and be someone the Lord (or whoever is important to you) can depend on. :)

happy sunday! <3

my favorite products

right now the weather is totally poopy. yes, poopy. lame sauce. stupidness. cold. rainy. snowy. blah.

and therefore, I am blah. I have a lot of things I could be doing, but I just cannot find the motivation to do them.

so I decided to post about things that make me happy.

and what makes me happy are beauty products that I can depend on (and that are cheeeeeeeeeeap!).

so without further ado...

1. favorite eye makeup remover

I would die without this stuff. I like to wear waterproof mascara because I just never know when I'm going to cry or get yawny and tear or when the utah weather is gunna go crazy and decide to rain. lots of people don't like waterproof because it's hard to take off and I totally understand that. BUT... this stuff makes it as easy as anything. you have to make sure to buy the blue moisturizing tub though and not the purple normal one cuz it won't do the trick. anyway, these are just little pads of awesomeness and they last forever. highlyyy recommend.

2. favorite eye liner

I've seriously used this exact same eyeliner since 6th grade. revlon colorstay is where it's at. no smudging. stays on all day. don't have to sharpen, just twist it up. I always get black brown but I'm thinking of trying just brown next time. but seriously - since 6th grade people. that's all I need to say!

3. favorite face wash

sadie introduced me to this and I'm so grateful to her. I always try different face washes and the second I used this one I was in love. it's so creamy and there are tiny exfoliating beads in it that are still gentle enough to use every day. I can't stand when a face wash leaves my face feeling tight and this stuff definitely doesn't do that.

4. favorite lip balm

you guys. I'm a chapstick addict. and the day they decided to make strawberry flavor in addition to cherry, I was seriously hooked. I always have a strawberry chapstick on me. my lips are just so lame and dry out so fast. it's simply an essential.

5. favorite foundation

once again, thank you sadie! this stuff is called covergirl ultimate finish. it's a liquid powder foundation. it is amazing. and only like 7 bucks. it seriously is liquid powder. it covers super well and I NEED super well for all my blemishes and acne scars and just naturally pink skin. I know lots of people love MAC and other expensive things but I'm just a cheapo when it comes to makeup and for me this totally does the trick. only downside is they apparently stopped selling my shade (415) in stores, so I have to buy it online. kinda annoying, but I can't live without this stuff! 

6. favorite concealer

another thing I can't live without. I think a little bit of concealer under the eye and in the tear duct does soo much to brighten the eyes and make you look awake and fresh. plus, it's good for covering up acne, of course. this stuff is awesome. it comes out of the tube looking white/grey and you're all like "what the heck?" until you rub your fingers together and it seriously matches your skin tone. it's so light and airy but a little bit goes such a long way which I love. I love the light shade. I tried the medium one recently and it's too tan/orangey for me. can't wait to buy the light stuff again. love this stuff!

now get to the store and buy all of this!! ;)

or... leave a comment telling me what your favorite products are. (seriously though... share! I wanna know!)

happy (crappy.... jk ;)) saturday!

"you drive me craaazy..."

nothing like quoting some old school britney spears on a friday morning!

I just hope one day the world will grasp this concept.

woooooooooooooowwwwwww.

my ability to procrastinate is ridiculous.

on another note, I adore people who take the time to leave comment love on things I am proud to post. don't feel obligated now haha. but really, when I have 134 page views and 1 person leaves a comment, I adore that person. thanks person. :)

off to class! I willlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll be productive tonight!!