quality time.

right now I'm sitting at the table with lee. we're both on our laptops and he's excitedly playing with his new ipod touch that he just opened. everyone's asleep except us and that is the way it always has been. we've always been so close and have shared special moments doing nothing but talking about everything.

he gets married this saturday. I'd be lying if I said I'm not a little sad. I'm so excited for him but I know things will never be exactly the same. we won't see each other very much and he'll of course have to focus his attention on his new life and family.

I'm going to miss him so much. I already do since I went to college, but even more so now.

it's funny how I'm writing this and yet he's sitting there and I'm acting all nonchalant about everything and maybe even like I don't care. I really need to stop being so guarded but I'm the kind of person that cries at everything so I have to be or I'll break down. I really want to laugh so hard at his dorky jokes and tell him how awesome I think he is but all I can do is smile and laugh a little and pretend every last moment we spend together isn't tugging at my heart strings.

I'm pretty sure he doesn't read my blog... I kind of hope he doesn't... haha

ohh the tears that will be shed at the wedding.

please don't take this in a creepy way, but lee is like the boyfriend I've never had. he cares so much about me and isn't afraid to say it/show it. if I'm being funny or whatever he'll just stare at me and smile and that says so much more than anything. I've never been that close with a guy and so it stinks giving up the one guy I was that close with to another girl. but carrie is great and I love her. it's just hard letting go. gah, I sound like a mom sending their kid to college. and now I'm starting to tear up. and that my friends is something you cannot hide behind a smile. must stop before he sees!

I just want to be selfish. and I will be, for 4 more days. <3