TRS

ordered these babies last night:

 can't wait for them to get here and to see bryce avery in all his awesome glory on june 11th!!

Luh-luh-luh-lonely

I hate being alone.

Like, physically alone.

Sadie is at work and school all day and I'm at her house, alone. 

And should be editing pictures but I don't feel happy enough and therefore motivated enough to.

But I know I will right after this anyway.

And then Saturday I move into my aunt's house for 2 weeks to house sit, which will be fun because I love her cat! haha. But I will be alone a lot. :/

 

I need human interaction!!!

Also,

wanting something so bad it hurts.. is scary. And difficult. And scary. And makes my tummy flip flop in annoying ways that I want to stop.

It's funny how life can be SO good and yet we can feel SO sdfsjelrjsldkfjsdfsehrf at certain times anyways.

My body can't calm down.

Please..

Pleeeaase let this work.

boredboredbored

lee & carrie will be here in a couple of hours!

and that means my 3 adorable nephews will be too!!

but until then I am so bored. :|

mom and I are the only ones home,

and she's watching a TV show that I'm not into.

so...

I decided to blog and bore you.

yeah.

**UPDATE**

I'm skyping with 83!!!! :)

(83 = the apartment of boys who easter pranked us. AKA the coolest friends ever.)

life is good and unboring again.

!!!!!

So remember how I'm OBSESSED with coincidences and how much they happen in my life?? Well....

Tonight I was hanging out with friends and we were talking about the high school graduation this Friday and one of them mentioned that "Jesse" was graduating and how crazy it was. So I immediately thought they were talking about this little boy Jesse that was in marching band when I was drum major (we had middle schoolers in our band) and I was like "WHAT?!" because he was so so young and that would be crazy! But I was wrong... it was a different Jesse that was graduating. But I was right about the Jesse in my head being too young to graduate. Anyway, conversation ended and I thought about how weird it was for someone I had completely forgotten about for yeeeears to come back to the surface of my mind.

Then I logged into Facebook.

And boy was freaking right there on my home page under "People You May Know."


-_-


Coincidenceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssss!!! Always!

Also..

Why does staying on your couch always seem so enticing compared to getting in your bed? Like, you know sleeping on the couch in your jeans is not going to be as comfortable and you're going to wake up with a sore neck because of how high the arm is.. But you still want to stay on the couch..

I think it's because you (okay, let's be real, I) want to enjoy this moment and slow down time. Or.. Something.. Poetic-y.. Like that. I don't even know. Just tell me I'm not alone and let's figure out this weird phenomenon together. Also I just dropped my phone on my face. I wish I could say that doesn't happen ALWAYS.

Also, after thinking it was quality time for a while, I'm starting to think my love language might be words of affirmation. HmmMmMMmm?

Goodnight. <3

Home

Sitting on the couch
Watching The Office
With my dad
While we eat chips and salsa
And smile at the fireflies outside the window.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!

ahhhh

ahhh

AHHHHHHHHH!!!

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:) :/ :O :( :D XD

lasjdlajewiodjasefksjdf!!

emotions. mostly good ones.

that is all.

Midnight thoughts (AKA long boring post)

It is a good or a bad sign when you want to marry someone strictly because of how much you love their family?

I hate that routine I get into every summer where I stay up til 2 and sleep in til 12 and my body aches all day because I've been so lazy. And yet I love it, because it's just so.... summer! And it would be wrong for it to be different!

I'm really glad my two older brothers got married before me, even though I always thought I'd for SURE get married first. I've learned so much from their marriages. Not so much about marriage.. but more about the people you marry. Like... I've learned that relationships take time to form and that we really just marry our friends. Haha I know that sounds dumb.. but I just always picture this super handsome smooth-talker charming guy sweeping me off my feet one day.. when really, it'll probably just be this guy who I wasn't in love with at first but who I've grown to be comfortable with and stuff. And like, he's gotta fit in with my chill family.. so it's not like he's going to be that different from us.. and we're just.. you know.. normal... haha. ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

Also, it's funny that I have to keep reminding myself that I'm going to be able to be 100% myself around my husband. I just have this stupid mindset that marriage is too good to be true and won't ever happen to me, so obviously if it DOES happen, something's not going to be right. For example, I won't be able to be my complete self. But what the heck that is so stupid of course I'll be able to be myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And if I'm ever considering marrying someone I am not my COMPLETE self around, someone please slap me with a wet fish! Jeez!

I'm mental.

And you know what I realized the other day? I am totally emotional and dramatic. I like to think I'm not... but I am. I think I like to deny it because I worry so much about what people think of me.. and I hate to admit that I was that stereotypical 15 year old girl that wrote emotional thoughts all over her Myspace page and thought she was in love when she was 12. Bahhh. But whatever, right? Why does it bother me to be myself? If I'm going to be the same emotional dramatic blogger I was when I was a teenager I might as well embrace it. Even if I regret this paragraph in the morning (which I will. silly nighttime.) But I also have come to realize that we're really all like this. We all have deep thoughts and emotions... some of us just choose to publicly blog about it cuz we're craycray.

I'm officially a senior at BYU.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Yeah. I know.

And I have zero plans so far for after graduation.

But I'm seriously okay with it. It's weird.. I just don't feel like I have to worry about it yet. Sadie and I have talked about this before. How we just know that something will come into our life when it needs to. And I know that the time will come where I'll seriously start thinking about what to do after graduation.. but right now I'm okay.

I hate that in 3 years I'll read back on that and hate the above paragraph and think I was being naive.

That's it! THAT'S why I hate giving into my emotional/dramatic side! Because when I write stuff down like this... I totally feel it 100%. But I KNOW that at a later time I will look back on it and be like "I was so dumb." Why?? I'm telling myself, RIGHT NOW, that I am not allowed to read back on this later and judge myself for it! Jennie! You felt these feelings... you were not being dumb or naive. You ... galsdjlaksd! Hahaha I can't explain it but I hate it so much! Just that no matter what I write, I know, even while I'm writing it, that I'll roll my eyes at it later. It's so annoying. Why do I do that?

Mrahhhhhhh.

I'm so glad Utah isn't as humid as Alabama. I was outside for 20 minutes today and my stupid hair got all frizzy and my bangs curled and I was like UH-UH thisisNOThappn'n!

I hate that I know that when I'm 30, I'm going to look back at myself right now and be mad at myself for not liking more boys or dating more or taking more chances with boys. I'm going to be mad at myself for not "living" more. But here I am.. defending myself to 30 year old Jennie!! I just don't get crushes that often, and when I do they don't last very long or they aren't reciprocated. And I really, really, really, really, really fear hurting people's feelings. I could easily find a guy I thought was cute but didn't really like and use him to fill that void, but that would be so stupidly selfish and rude. I could never hurt someone like that. I think that's why I take such a long time to open up to guys. I want to make SURE I like them before I show interest because I don't want to lead anyone on and then end up not liking them. How sad would that be? I guess that's normal... and just part of it... but I hate hate HATE the thought of trying to like someone just because I'm so desparate to like someone only to realize that I really don't like them and have known that all along and now their feelings are hurt because I'm a big MEANIE! And I know it's not because I'm meeeean but... I just.. Blahhh. I just hate when people lead people on. I've definitely hated it when guys have done it to me. Hurts like no otha.

Oh, blog posts.

I would never write a post like this at 12 noon. But something about 1:46 AM makes it okay. Why does nighttime do this to us? Seriously, along with feeling happy when a baby laughs and being led to feel different emotions when we listen to different types of music, I feel like being more emotional at night is one of those things that God just planted in us. I wonder why. Hmmm.

Sometimes I wish college took 10 years just so I wouldn't feel lame for not being married, haha. Because when I think of it in terms of years in college... being a senior at BYU and still not having a serious relationship is depressing. But when I think of it in terms of how OLD I am... being 21 and not married is FIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chillax Jennie!! Stop thinking in terms of college years or you're gunna go crazy! You're just a baybeeee!! It's gunna be. O. KAY.

Hahahaha if anyone has read this far, seriously, leave a comment so I can send you condolences... and money.

Just kidding, I have no money.

Which is a problem if I'm going to really try to get into the Winter 2013 Jerusalem study abroad... ah! /:

Okay. It might be time to end this thing.

Life is good. I am weird. You are cool. Goodnight. <3

Baby Journal

I often like to read through old journal entries, especially funny childhood ones. The messy kid hand-writing adds just as much to the enjoyment. But a few days ago I was reading journal entries that my parents wrote about me when I was a newborn. Here are just a few favorites I came across (I was born Nov. '90 for context).

May 16, 1991 (Mom)

"Since she was newborn Jennie has rolled her eyes when she first starts on a bottle - like - 'Oh that tastes so good!'"

(Basically this just made me laugh really hard, because it's so me.)

"Jen is so cute! I love buying clothes for her. I have to get 24 month size for them to fit her. She has pretty chunky legs & bottom."

(Yeeeaaaahhhhh... hahaha.)

October 16, 1991 (Mom)

"Jen is so sweet. Lately she's been playing happily in her crib in the A.M. for hours!"

(Basically just thought that was weird. What would a baby do for hours in a crib by herself?? haha.)

May 3, 1992 (Mom)

"She plays cute eye games. She'll look at you & lower her eyes or turn away & slowly look back at you in the corner of her eye. She charms people that way. Then she shakes her curly head."

(Let's face it. I just love learning that I was cute as a baby and that my entire adolescent life wasn't awkward. It's a real comfort.)

July 7, 1991 (Mom)

"Right now she's on the floor playing with my thong."

(Had a heart attack until I remembered that my parents refer to flip-flops as thongs. CRISIS AVERTED!)

"She squawks a lot."

(..I don't know what to say about that.)

And then from the one entry in my entire baby journal from my dad haha, on April 28, 1996 (Better late than never! And we'll disregard the fact that at one point he spelled my name with a "y"...)

"Dancing, skipping, singing, tickling, laughing, crying, playing are all Jennie. I love you Jennie. I can't wait for a Daddy Daughter date! You are only 5 now but not for long."

(Okay, that last line was killer! Tug on my heart strings anyone?!)


I have decided that I have to keep a journal for my kids!! Even if I have to type it all because I'm way too impatient to write stuff down anymore. But it's so cool reading back on these things, especially since I'm a Family Studies major and I've taken so many classes on child development.. it's just cool. Hooray for baby journals!

And just to give my dad some more credit... he's awesome. And he and I talked on the couch last night and he told me a lot of things about his life and his past and I just love him for all the hard things he's been through. There's something adorable about dads opening up to you when they're as non-open-uppy as mine. He's the best, and I'm pretty stinkin' grateful to be in this family!

I'm a Mormon.. and ILOVEIT!!!!

So ever since our easter prank video went on YouTube... it's been getting so many views and comments! It's seriously crazy. But what's crazier is how many of the comments have to do with us being Mormons. And how many of the comments are very hateful. /:

What gets me is the comments that are quite frankly just so ignorant. Just.. people who say that I'm in a cult and that I'm not a Christian and all this stuff. I just forget a lot of the time that people still think those things about us! It's so weird to me because it's so untrue that it just blows my mind! It makes me soo sad to know that people think such absolutely horrible things about my religion, while I can only think the most incredible things about it. Like... I can't even think of a single thing I don't like about it! Or anything that has made me feel weird about it... or anything!! It's just absolutely perfect. And I know even that sentence will just make someone upset.. but to me it really is. Like I'm struggling to even figure out what to say or how to start... the leaders of this church are so completely ridiculously selfless and wise and amazing. The organization of this church is unreal and everything is for the betterment of individuals and the family and for bringing people closer to Christ. There's none of this blind leading the blind stuff everyone insinuates.. it's not like we're idiots without brains! haha. If we felt weird or bad about something we wouldn't be a part of this religion. I just can't imagine feeling more love than I do within the "walls" of this church. Yes, it requires that I live up to certain standards... but that doesn't bother me because I believe that those standards were divinely inspired. And even if you don't follow them all perfectly, it's not like we kick you out. And no one even gets paid!! And I'm not dissing other religions that pay their pastors or anything.. I'm just saying that it's pretty amazing that we all do this even though we don't get a dime for the countless hours we put into it, no matter our position. And.. AHHHHH!!! hahaha I just go crazy sometimes because of how sad I get because people don't know how HAPPY and wonderful life is within this religion. That being said, I love all Christian faiths and am appreciative of other faiths as well that encourage good values. I totally fully support faith!!!!! I'm grateful for the chance I had to live in the south and see that Christianity is still alive and thriving and I'm so happy that so many people still believe! I just also totally fully believe that my faith adds to the good that other faiths already have.. making one big yummy delicious happy amazing incredible faith that makes people so happy their hearts might burst out of their chests!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I guess what I'm saying is.... it's one thing for people to be like, "Okay.. Mormons seem a little weird on the onset.. but whatevs," and another thing for people to be like, "WOW. I am so sorry you had to grow up in that cult! And you hate blacks! And you blindly follow your prophet! And you smell like a dirty shoe!" Haha but seriously. The super hateful ignorant comments just make me sad.. because people have noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo idea how absolutely blissfully perfectly happy this church makes me and so many others. <3

Okay. Rant over. Consider checking us out sometime - I think you might be pleasantly surprised. :)

That one movie I'm obsessed with.

It is pathetic how much I want to marry Landon Carter.

Like...... Really, really pathetic.

Gahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Airports

So I'm trying out writing a blog post with my blogger app! Feels kinda weird but there are few options of things to do while I wait for my flizzight!

So I'm currently in Atlanta, Georgia. Took like 3 1/2 hours to fly here and then I have a short 1 hour (or is it 1/2 hr?) flight to Montgomery! I used the bathroom on the plane for the first time in years today. I just never have to go that bad usually but today I did. And for some reason it was like hard to make myself do it! Not at all because I think it's unsanitary or whatever.. But just because when you stand up on a plane everyone looks at you. O.o And then what if I went in the wrong bathroom? Or didn't know how to open the door? It's so weird.. Sometimes I care unrealistically so what people think about me, and sometimes I don't care AT ALL and wonder why people care what others think of them!! Anyway.. I'm working on the former. And all went well with the bathroom trip..

You wanna know what I honestly think so much about when I'm in airports? Pornography. I know, right?? What the heck Jennie?? I shall explain. It's just that the topic of pornography is brought up a lot in my major (family studies) because it's a rampant problem that affects soooo many families. And the figures are seriously so startling to me.. It's just so normal and out there everywhere!!! So when I'm walking around in airports I'm seriously thinking, "I wonder how many men (and women) here view porn regularly..." and it freaks me out because I know it's a ton. And then I feel so uncomfortable. I don't mean to judge everyone I've ever and never met by assuming that they view porn but I'm just saying it's a big deal and I hate it. /: It's also tied so strongly to my desire to find a husband who is pure and completely opposed to anything like that. Ahhhhh. It just scares me. Seriously my major ruined me forever a little bit haha. But I know it's not everyone. But I wish it wasn't anyone. :( I have such a soft spot in my heart for GOOD guys. They make me cry because they're so strong and amazing. I wish I was joking about the crying part. Just ask anyone who heard me bear my testimony at church this year haha. Ahhhh.... GOOD MEN ROCK!!!!!!!!!! You don't know how much I appreciate you!!

As if any men read this... Lol. Oh hey Trey! ;)

Humm dee dummm.

Ah man. I have to sleep in my room alone tonight. :( That is seriously something I do not like about going home... It's so lonely! Sadie!! I need you!!!!!!

Okay. Thoughts are disappearing. I don't think all men view porn. I am in love with all good men. And I miss Sadie and knew I should have shoved her in my suitcase while she was asleep... Dang it...

skype date & going home!

I decided I need to start giving my posts relevant titles.

when looking for a specific post of mine, it takes forever because my titles are always things like, "hmmm," "UGH," "yeah...." hahaha. it's not helpful. so I'm trying to be better.

also, this closet door next to me keeps creeping open and shut. I'm seriously on the verge of a panic attack... and death. sadie sleeping 2 feet away from me is giving me some comfort, but not much, because she's totes out of it, and I'm pretty positive a masked murderer is in that closet. sadie and I basically psych ourselves out really easily when we're home alone at her parents' house. hopefully I'm still alive when you read this.

on another note.. a couple of days ago we (apt. 83 boys and us ladieees) skyped with bronwyn who is in london!! she is beautiful and seeing her face was beautiful. <3

ultimate cuteness, right? :) and look how london-y everything behind her looks! haha.

it looks like we had a great conversation. it was like 2 hours long man! and in the middle of the night for her! we love her.

I've had this disgusting problem with not being able to fall asleep lately.

last night it took 4 hours.

that is not okay.

I'm pretty positive it would take a couple of hours tonight as well... but it doesn't matter because I'm staying up packing since I'm leaving for the airport in 2 hours! haha.

alabama here I coooooooooooooome. :)

looking forward to spending mother's day at home, spending more time with my brand new NEPHEW!, obsessing over my brother and sister-in-law's new kittens and baby bunny, annoying danny with all my love, visiting kamala who awesomely lives only a short 3 hours away in georgia, hanging out with all of my friends at paige's house on the lake!, watching danny GRADUATEHIGHSCHOOLWHAT?!?! (and embarrassing him with how loud I cheer. mwwahahahahaha.), hopefully not gaining back the 10 pounds I lost doing the Whole30, gettin' my taaan onnnn!, doing some fun photoshoots, and just soaking in the time with my family. super grateful that I can go home and visit them so often!

oh, and just because you should know how great my life is,

tonight I hung out with the boys from apt. 83, and we played mario kart and ate our favorite childhood cereals while listening to 90's classics in the background.

it was glorious. :)

okay. CIAO!

back in high school.

I'm currently sitting at my aunt amy's desk at her high school classroom, watching her TEACH!!!

she teaches math.

she's the school's favorite teacher because she's that cool.

pleasant grove named a day after her.

(it's november 21st, in case you're wondering.)

well, I have to go now.. I'm going to pretend I understand any of this. :)

(for the record.. SO HAPPY to be out of high school. walking through these halls gave me the heebie-jeebies. but it is a very nice high school.)