I always want to feel this amazing.

Today started out just like any other. I had a humanities test at 8 AM, then headed off to my critical inquiry & research methods class at 9:30. Normally on Tuesdays at BYU there is either a devotional or a forum held in the Marriott Center (the basketball arena) on campus at 11. Today was a little different.. because instead of a forum or devotional we had our homecoming opening ceremony!! I always look forward to this because the marching band plays on the floor before as everyone is piling in, and I silently cry to myself because I'm not down there with them blaring awesome songs and having so much loud FUN. Anyway.. :) .. every year for homecoming our school spotlights a different person from BYU's history. Today it was Gerrit de Jong, who our biggest concert hall is named after. Long story short, the movie clip we watched in the Marriott Center about his life and his accomplishments was MIND. BLOWING. This guy was INCREDIBLE and accomplished so many things I just can't even begin to remember them all. At the end of the clip, I was so inspired to be the best I can be. I felt truth testified to me just by learning of this man's history. We are here for a PURPOSE! We can't just dilly dally through life wasting time and going through the motions. We're SUPPOSED to succeed, to work hard even though it's not fun all the time, and then to look back on our accomplishments with joy for the good that we've done. And then we keep moving and keep doing and keep making the world a better place and ourselves better people. I was so inspired by his incredible example.

After the awesome homecoming opening ceremony, I headed to my next class: strengthening marriage and family. I always love this class because I feel the spirit so strong and just know that I'm learning true principles. So today, we had a guest speaker... it was our TA's mom... Utah's 2011 Mom of the Year! (Sally Olsen. She's basically awesome.) At first I kind of laughed that of course Utah had a mom of the year... but I ended up loving her and her passion for motherhood and life. She raised TWELVE. KIDS. Yes world, 12! And she told us just a little bit about what that was like and how motherhood is so important and how we shouldn't believe the world when it's telling us to throw our kids in daycare because all you do when they're babies is change their diapers anyway and ya dee da dee da. (Sidenote: I understand that different circumstances call for different approaches to parenting... I'm not trying to say you are a sinner if you don't stay home with your kids! However I believe FULLY in the importance of doing it if you are able to.) Anyway, she and her husband talked about the things they did with their kids growing up, and it blew my mind that they found time to do so many things, especially spiritual things, as a family. It was another moment where I felt prompted to make the most of every moment, to accept and overcome challenges, and to work towards having that spiritual of an environment in my future home.

Now, throughout this entire lecture I couldn't get Facebook off my mind. I am definitely the type to be really hard on myself, so I tried to let it go at first, because of course I was only thinking of Facebook because I was making myself think about it and feel bad about it. But it wouldn't go away. And recently in church and in talks given at General Conference, we've learned about the importance of being open to receiving personal revelation from our Heavenly Father. This has always been something I've struggled with, simply because it's hard for me to tell what's revelation or a prompting or what's simply me being hard on myself or thinking too much. But then I remembered something that you learn starting at two years old: faith. Sometimes, we just have to act on faith!! No, I didn't know at the time that I was REALLY receiving revelation, but my feelings were strong enough that I knew I needed to act on faith. If nothing else, it would show my Heavenly Father that He can rely on me in future circumstances to act on faith for His purposes.

The gist of it is... I felt so much peace today. I felt the spirit. I knew truth was being spoken and piercing my heart. I knew what I had to do to be the best person I could be at this time in my life. I knew I was being asked to dedicate more time to the Lord and less time worrying about myself so much. I knew that freeing up some distractions in my life would be the only way for me to be attentive enough to hear spiritual promptings when they come. I knew that the craving inside my soul for accomplishment and betterment of self would only be realized if I had the motivation and confidence to work toward it, and somehow I know that letting go of Facebook for now will give me the confidence I've been so lacking.

Who knew confidence mattered so much? Not confidence in my own eyes, but confidence of myself in the eyes of the Lord. Lately I've been wondering why I haven't been my complete "Jennie!" self. I've always been known as someone who loves others and works so hard at making other people feel better. I would act goofy to make people smile and I would always try to hand out sincere compliments to help others realize their beauty! But lately I've been hoping for others to do that for me. I haven't been depressed or anything, but I just haven't had the desire to be that happy light for others as often as I usually do. Then, a few days ago, I had another little revelation that came so subtly to my mind: I can't help others feel confident if I don't feel confident myself. Hello! This is a fact I've always known, but I just forgot it for a time. I quickly realized the importance of focusing a healthy amount of attention on myself to the point where I feel good enough about myself to better others and the world around me! And for me, confidence in myself comes when I accomplish something hard or just get things done that I know have been sitting on a post-it note on my laptop for weeks. It comes when I know that I'm spending time each day studying my scriptures and feeling the spirit. It comes when I know I'm doing what the Lord wants me to do. And that, I feel, for now, can only happen if I rid myself of the distraction that consumes so. much. of my time, without me even realizing it.

Two nights ago I stayed up until 4 AM studying for my humanities test. I hope it paid off. ;) While I was studying, I was listening to the Pride & Prejudice soundtrack, and I was YEARNING to go back to that time period when life was slower. I ached for more beautiful music that made me THINK like this music did. I wanted to go DO stuff and appreciate and enjoy every second of life! It's flying by so quickly! I wanted to make the most of my time here at this INCREDIBLE university. I have this horrible fear of graduating from BYU with so many regrets that I didn't do more. The craving for productivity is something I was born with, and one of the speakers at General Conference this weekend said something really interesting that alluded to this. His name was Ian S. Arden, and he said, "Constantly checking and sending messages on social networking sites gives us the false impression that we are being productive." (I wrote that in my journal without quotes around it so it may have been my paraphrasing.) Um, that is so me! I get anxious sometimes about how I'm not doing anything, so I will get online and check all my notifications over and over to feel like I'm doing something. In the end I continue to feel anxiety and not peace. The last note I wrote from Elder Arden was, "To have the peace the Savior speaks of, we must dedicate our time to the things that matter most, and the things of God matter most." How totally grateful I was for his wise words.

I don't hate Facebook. I don't think people who have Facebook are doing wrong. I actually see it as a very helpful and useful tool to do so much good in the world if we use it correctly! But I know that for me, right now, it has become a distraction from the things that matter most. Lately all of my prayers have consisted of me asking my Father in Heaven to please guide me at this time in my life when I have to make so many decisions that affect my future. Without this little distraction, I can be more receptive to the whisperings of the spirit, and I can be the best Jennie I can be! And that is something I am so excited about. :)

I'll keep my blog going, and I'll probably blog more often now that I'm not constantly dumping my thoughts onto Facebook. So yay for that!

I know my Heavenly Father lives and loves me, and that His son Jesus Christ died for me, and that they want the BEST for me, and that it will require faithfaithFAITH for me to trust in them and hopefully one day truly become my best self. I know that in a few days I'll miss Facebook and crave knowing what's going on in everyone's lives, but the point is to act in faith and remember the strong feelings I had when I decided, in my class, that I was going to make this decision. I'm so excited to work toward slowing down and appreciating and living my LIFE!!!!!!! I hope in some way you will be able to work towards that too. :) And I feel that I should close this in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.